things are always different

Things are different than I thought they would be, when I grew up. Yesterday Chris asked me what I wanted to be when I 'grew up' and the first thing I said was, I want to be an adult that still laughs at Blink 182's 'First Date video'. That shit's a funny video. And then I realized he was seriously asking me, and I said 'i don't want to grow up." It's really such an ambiguous question. Not many people I really know WANT to grow up. They just do. Some of us pursue what we really want, and really dream, and end up doing what we want. Others just do what they are expected, or told, and never really do what they want. I don't want to be that kind of grown up. I always want to dream, and desire. I still want to reach the moon. I am always wanting more, and sometimes I feel that's a good thing, and other times get tired of wanting. I feel restless, and I think there is a fire God put in my heart to not settle for ordinary. That's good. It doesn't always feel good, or God-placed, but I can only hope that it is. I can only hope that He's in complete control. I really hope He is, because I don't think I am.

I'm getting married in 99 days. It's a real countdown. It's really approaching, and it's really going to happen. I think that 10.5 months ago, it felt that this day would never arrive, but it has. I am very excited and anxious as well. I think all my urges to run out and get an aparment with a friend, travel to new places, and enjoy this last phase of single life is totally normal. But I know what getting married will be beautiful and I won't know why I thought that being single was so awesome.

I know what I DON'T want right now...and that is to be a BUN BAKER. Preggo. Womb Fruit. Cookin a kid.
I am pretty sure that children are amazing, but a few years with out them with just my husband would be great.

some girls are just made for reproduction the moment they say i-do. I'm just not one of those girls.

...wait till you hear this

I forgot I had this site! Hah. 
I just re-read my last blog entry. At that time, I had just moved and started dating Chris.

Now, as I write this, I have a beautiful diamond ring on my finger. I'm engaged.

Strange how life can change so completely in just one year. I am still in PA, living with my parents. I'm not as poor as before. I'm planning a wedding. It's going good some days, frustrating other days, uber expensive some days, and just weird other days. Getting married is such a mix of emotions. Totally full of peace, yet timid. Nervous for the unknown yet so excited. I can't wait to be with my best friend and man of my dreams everyday.

June 29th. It's 233 days from today, but who's counting, right?

Anyways, life is good. Grand actually. Family and friends are all around. Everyone I love is moving nearby, buying houses, having babies, getting married. It's bliss. The holidays are here! My nicaraguan children are waiting for me to come visit and bring presents. Once again, I am the missions trip Mama Hen, coordating a group to Nicaragua this December...I can't wait to meet my little chickens there!

love love love. happiness. Abba. peace. it's what matters.

cheers.

Yana

Currently Listening Chutes Too Narrow By The Shins see related

Ch-ch-ch-CHANGES!

It's been so long since I last wrote that I almost forgot i had this!

It's time for an update!!!!

I live in Pennsylvania now, back with the parents again.

I am still poor.

I have a boyfriend. (yes) (it's true) (i'm twenty-freakin-two) (it's about time)

He brings a lot of happiness to my life.

I am getting healthier by the day.

I have been running.

I run the missions department for my parents ministry: http://www.myspace.com/globalcelebration

I have been creating art, and music again.

And I have been singing too.

God is still good.

This summer was hell, but now I am living in Bliss.

With a capitol B.

I'm just happy.

That's it!

Currently Listening Versus By Kings of Convenience see related

22 years ago, I was c-sectioned into this world.

how poetic ;o)

Currently Listening Befriended By The Innocence Mission see related

home, New Orleans

life takes so many unexpected turns. i plan to go right, and i go left. i plan to jump, and i'm attached to the ground. i plan to run away, and i end up getting involved instead.
not to say the the unexpected isn't pleasant, or that it's not a blessing. I'm just wondering when I am going to learn to let go...and let God do the driving. He lets me think that i'm the one in control, but really it's more like i'm the 7 year old kid sitting on my parents lap turning the wheel, not realizing that it takes long legs to press the gas too.
anyways....life is beautiful. Myself and two girls, Tamara and Rachel are renting a very sweet little home on 4319 Fonainbleau. It's a shot gun, with a really awesome 50's kitchen...and beautiful hardwood floor throughout. Ugly bathroom, but cute back yard!
I can't wait to get in there and set everything up. We got the keys today....but I have to clean it first. I can't stand the idea of living in someone else body/dirt funk. ew.
I want to go to New York. And DisneyWorld. And go on a couple month-long honeymoon and travel the world with an around the world ticket.
Does anyone know exactly when it is that oneself begins to feel like a woman? I still feel like such a dorky little girl, wearing my mom's high heels, pretending i'm a woman.
Well, i think life is going to be pretty exciting this year...dont worry, i'll keep all of my faithful readers well informed.

signing out-
Wonder Woman